A Place in My Heart - Je me Souvient
created 7/2002, posted on 11/05/2002
I used to live in a city I considered my favorite in the whole world. I had a lot of dreams and expectation about my life there. Then, most of them were shattered in a series of unfortunate incidents. In the end, destiny (or rather my career arrangement?) took me away from it.
Now I live in a city I neither like nor dislike. Besides the oppressing summer heat and severe traffic congestion, I cannot even think too much, good or bad, about this city to tell my friends. Days go by and nothing really seems to interest me much. Life becomes a routine and no longer excites me anymore. Very often, I think about the city I used to love and hate, and wonder how my life would have been if I still lived there. Would I still complain and curse about it all the time?
Willing for not, I know New York will always have a special place in my heart.
Now I no longer have a favorite city on my "Top 10" favorite list, because I do not know which city can replace the void New York has left in my heart.
Then, there is that No. 2 City - Montreal. This was the place that used to be my refuge almost three years ago when I was forced to move out of the U.S. This was the place I spent a whole summer of 1999 living there, staying in a university dormitory. It was the summer after I finally obtained my Doctoral degree and was a period of time my experiencing the largest uncertainty ever in my life. I didn't actually do much that summer in Montreal. Occasionally, I tried to review the French words I have learned and to decipher the French signs and menus. I hopped around different museums and galleries, tried all sorts of different ethnic restaurants. I was not sure how my life would become. I just tried to enjoy my new life in a city I actually did not have any friend and where people speak a language I could not comprehend much about. But I did enjoy it, because I know it could not last forever. For a brief moment, I even attempted to establish a more permanent residence in that city. I tried to find a job at the English-teaching McGill University, but it seemed that the Canadians were not impressed by my mostly US-based education. I tried a few pharmaceutical companies and research hospitals. No reply from any of them either. At the end of the summer, the new school year of the University of Montreal had begun. I had to move out the dormitory. So I just chose to leave Montreal completely. My journey of wandering from place to place continued, but Montreal remains the most memorable chapter of that period.
And I know, just like New York, Montreal will always has a special place in my heart. I will remember those things I had seen, heard, smelled, tasted, and touched in my Montreal days. Je me souvient.
Finally, in May of 2002, another trip back to Montreal.
Walking along Rue St. Denis, passing by all the French bookstores, bakeries, boutiques, and bistros, I saw the dazzling lights the leaning towers and Olympic Stadium, and the giant cross on the top of Mont Royal; On the streets of the Old Montreal, people wander around from one museum to another, it was Montreal's annual Museum Day: Every museum was free for a day! The street life of Rue St. Catherine is still so lively, and I have the newest films from both France and the US to choose from the bilingual cinemas; The all-vegetarian Thai restaurant is still making some creative Thai dishes but I will also try another Italian place this time... La vie est belle, je pense. Montreal has never failed to impress me.
Strangely, for some reasons I don't even know how to explain, I love Montreal but this city can only remains at the "second place" in my heart. It is a place I want to run to when I need a refuge, to keep me away from outside harm, to keep me isolated and have some of my own time to think through things. But it is not a place I would like to settle down and stay forever. Maybe Montreal is what people called "Mistress Material." Just like Sabina from Kundera's book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," smart and charming but just not a "Wife Material." Maybe I am just too lazy to spend time to learn to speak French better. But really, I love Montreal but I just don't want to live here.
Since I don't think my No. 1 City in the world should be a place I don't want to live, Montreal remains my No. 2. So, where can I find a place actually I can name the "favorite" place in my heart?
This July, for the first time in almost four years, I will travel to Europe. This is the Continent always full of surprise and excitement for me. I will re-visit several of my favorite cities in the world. Those places I haven't been visiting to for almost 7 years: Paris, Barcelona, and Amsterdam...among a few of them.
And it is good to get out of the city that I neither like nor dislike, for a while.
