A Place in My Heart II - Je T'aimerai pour Toujous

created 11/03/2002, posted on 11/05/2002

It is said that loving someone and being loved back is the most wonderful thing in life while (for consolation purpose, I guess) loving someone but not being loved back is the second best. For the whole span of my life, I am so used to settle (reluctantly) for the "second best" and struggle to find a way to enjoy living with that.

However, falling in love with a place is not like loving a person. It is actually easier. A place (a city or an island) might not love you back literally but the mere essence of being there and sensing its pulse feels just as good as being loved back. Even though the visit is short, the sweetness of the fond memories can last a lifetime. I have that experience with Peru and its people. And whenever I visit Montreal, I have that sensational feeling in love once again. It is not even important that I can not actually live at that place (as my story with Montreal was). Those places are just like little love affairs coming up to life every once for awhile. And they all makes me feel loved back. They all have special places in my heart.

I used to love a city so much, so I worked hard to relocate there. I moved there to start a not very satisfying new job. However, my life there turned out to be a huge fiasco. Becoming further emotionally damaged in my already cynic mindset, I realized that a place could actually hurt you so bad, just as a person you love. However, after the most horrific catastrophe the city has ever experienced in its history, I started to feel more sympathetic and forgiving. But before I was even able to see both of our wounds healed, fate took me away to a place I neither love nor hate.

I was gone with the wind, to the further South.

But I will never be over this tumultuous, love affair. To love and hate, with all my heart, New York City.

Fortunately, I can always run to others of my "great love affairs", besides New York, and beyond Montreal.

The last stop of my 2002 European trip, I was back to Paris, France again.

It's my first post-Amelie (the very popular French movie last year, 電影「愛蜜莉的異想世界」)trip to Paris, and I could not wait to visit many sights where the movie was shot.

Right after I checked in at a small hotel in 10th Arrondisement, I immediately wandered around the streets of Paris. Pour que je t'aime encore, In less than half an hour, I was in front of the Basillica de Sacre Ceour (聖心堂) at the foot of Montmatre Hill. It's been seven years since I last saw this wedding cake-like whitewashed church. It was still so dazzling and still had a lot of tourists. In the movie "Amelie", Amelie set up her first "blind date" with Nino just in front of the Sacre Ceour; then, I walked deep down to the metro station "Access", where Amelie helped a blind old man to get down to the platform and finished her "daily good deed." Down the hill, at the Pigalle Square, I had another good look of the nightclub "Moulin Rouge." It is nowhere near the dazzling psychedelic appearance shown in the Nicole Kidman movie, except that very visible Red Windmill (Moulin Rouge means red mill in French) atop the entrance.

Ambling around the Montmatre neighborhood with a very easy pace, I can sense all the pulses of the city. Paris is never a city attacking your senses so forcefully. They just come upon you with such soothing pace. Walking in hidden small alleyways of Montmartre, the smell of croissants and crepes, the sight of dazzling array of colorful flowers lined the balconies, the sound of street musicians performing African music, and the texture of the old walls… No wonder in Kieslowski's movie "Trois Couleurs: Blee" (藍色情挑), Juliette Binoche could forget all the trauma and pain of bereavement (at least for a moment) after hiding herself in the crooked streets of Paris.

The next day, I spent almost whole day in Le Louvre Museum, 11 years after my first visit there with a not-very-sophisticated packaged tour group. I was overwhelmed by its collections after 6 hours there (I did say hello to "Mona Lisa"). Taking a much needed post-museum stroll the River Seine, I arrived at the Concord Square. Isn't that the Ferris wheel at the end of Tsai Ming-Liang's movie "What Time Is It There?” (你那邊幾點). That might be the most mysterious and philosophical movie ending I have ever seen in my life (I won't tell you the "surprise" ending). Even Taiwanese filmmakers love to get a piece of mesmerizing Paris in their films.

On the last morning of this trip, I wandered aimlessly to have the last feel of Paris street life. Strolling the streets of 10th Arrondisement, I witnessed a transitioning district rich in new immigrants from Africa, Middle East, and Asia. Passing by Arabic Delis, I saw endless list of menu of Shish Kebo; Passing an African travel agency, I saw a list of discounted tickets to those destinations I could not even recognize (where is Youande and Lome anyway?). Turning into a narrow alley, I found the "Little India," a block with at least 20 South Asian restaurants. The ethnic diversity is intriguing, completely different from the romantic stereotypes about Paris. But just like New York, a great and cosmopolitan city always becomes richer in its cultural mixture and the cultural diversity, in turns, makes this place more interesting and continues to be a great destination.

It will be wonderful, to call such a city, abundant in almost every aspect of life, my home. And very much, I dream about to become a Parisian. My look can pass as a local since now there are so many Asian immigrants in this city. After living for several months in a city I can find hardly any way to love, I really long for residing in a place as colorful as Paris.

Then, I realized I used to live in such a city, and just not that long ago. It is also abundant in almost every aspect of life. I used to call that city home. That city across the Atlantics from Paris. And I used to live in a neighborhood with intriguing mixture of cultural diversity. A neighborhood run down from outside but always fascinating inside. A neighborhood just like 10th Arrondisement.

Suddenly, I understood that how much I missed Lower East Side and how unsuccessful my attempt to get over with New York. Ironically, Coming to another great city I'm in love with ended up reminding me this one.

So there is some love affairs a person just cannot get over with, even it is not even with a person.

I used to live in a city I considered my favorite in the whole world. I am no longer a part of it. But I know I am still in love and possibly, will always do.

And I have to thank Paris to teach me another valuable lesson.

The End